For a busy parent forced to work long hours outside of the home, few things are as painful as the idea that their children might love the nanny more. Though this is typically not the case, there are times when children do actually grow more attached to the person they spend the majority of their time with than their largely absent parents. These are nine of the most common signs that your children might be bonding more with their nanny than you.
- They Want the Nanny When They’re Sick – Children that don’t feel well want to be comforted by someone they love and trust. If your kids consistently choose the nanny’s attention when they’re under the weather, it could be a sign that they feel more secure with her.
- They Choose the Nanny Over a Parent – When given a choice between two adults that care for them, children sometimes show unexpected favoritism. This is natural when it’s occasional, but a child that always chooses the attentions of the nanny over that of a parent may feel closer to their caregiver.
- Minor Injuries Send a Child Running Past You – Much like minor illness, scrapes and bruises will cause a child to run for the nearest source of affection and security. If your child bypasses you to get to their nanny, it might be time to rearrange your schedule to create more family time.
- They Find the Nanny to Share Exciting News – If something exciting happens in your child’s life and she’s bursting to find the nanny while seeming disinterested in sharing it with you, she may feel like the nanny is more tuned into her needs and the details of her life than you are.
- They’re Aloof or Distant With Parents – A child who’s affectionate and loving with the nanny but standoffish with parents might feel more comfortable with her, simply because she spends more time with them.
- Separation Anxiety When the Nanny Leaves – Separation anxiety is a normal part of childhood, and doesn’t generally mean that a child loves one person more than another. However, if your child is upset when your nanny leaves and doesn’t warm up to you within a few hours, he or she may need more one on one time with you to re-establish trust.
- They Behave Better for the Nanny – Children who refuse to behave for a parent but mind their manners beautifully for a nanny might be acting out as a result of feeling abandoned. If you notice these patterns, it’s time to arrange a nanny-free getaway or even just some “family time” a few evenings a week.
- Your Children Seem Distrustful – Kids who feel that their parents are distant or too often absent may be difficult to win over, even with a concerted effort to give them the attention they need.
- They Ask for the Nanny in Her Off Time – For small children, natural curiosity can cause them to ask where a person is when they disappear from view. However, if your children ask for the nanny during times of stress and seem dissatisfied with your attention, it could be a sign that they feel closer to her.
Although it can be heartbreaking to feel that your children are more attached to their nanny, you should remind yourself that it’s actually a good sign. The fact that they feel so secure and loved by their caregiver means that they’re not being treated poorly in your absence. Increasing family time by one evening a week can help to put things into perspective for your children.
