May 10, 2012 | in Nanny
The story of Little Red Riding Hood is a popular children’s fairy tale that nearly every child has heard countless times. It tells the story of a young girl sent out to look after her frail old grandmother, and the perils and adventures she encounters along the way. All in all, things worked out in her favor in the end, but we still have some qualms about Red Riding Hood’s little excursion and think she needs to be grounded. Her mother should be held accountable as well. Here are our ten reasons why:
- Stranger danger – Children should be counseled to never talk to strangers. Especially when their story is going to be shared with countless other children over the centuries. It’s important that they set a good example, and stay out of harm’s way.
- Curfew – The story doesn’t make it clear, but we’re pretty sure from the evidence available to us that Red Riding Hood must have violated some curfew during her extended journey into the woods. At one point, she even stayed the night without notifying her parents.
- Child endangerment – Incidentally, we think that Red Riding Hood’s mom ought to be turned in to Child Protective Services for sending her out alone into the woods in a red velvet outfit and with a bottle of wine. We find this sort of child endangerment most distressing.
- Minor in Posession – Grounding Little Red Riding Hood would keep her out of trouble and prevent her from being busted for possession of alcohol as a minor. She probably should be put in a foster home to ensure this sort of thing is never repeated.
- Lack of street smarts – In light of the fact that she nearly got her grandma killed with her big mouth and gullible nature, we think it’s fair to say that Little Red Riding Hood needs to be kept off the streets. At least until she learns some better street smarts.
- Failing eyesight – Anyone who can’t tell their grandmother from a wolf doesn’t need to be walking the streets by themselves. Red Riding Hood should be kept indoors under 24-hour observation, in our opinion.
- Accessory to murder – Being an accessory to murder (the wolf), it may be a good idea for her to lay low for a while anyway. She’s probably wanted for questioning. And for Pete’s sake, put that red riding hood away. It’s a dead giveaway! (pun intended)
- House arrest – From a legal perspective, maybe her being grounded should be viewed more as a house arrest, pending the outcome of the investigation of the wolf’s homicide case. Until the smoke clears, we think this may be the best course of action for all concerned.
- Safety – Little Red Riding Hood should be grounded for her own safety. Every time she leaves the house, it seems like someone else is getting eaten alive or killed. The girl is just trouble with a capital ‘T’.
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – After witnessing the disembowelment of the wolf by the lumberjack, we feel safe in assuming that Red Riding Hood is in dire need of counseling, and perhaps some PTSD therapy. At any rate, ground the girl long enough to get her some psychiatric evaluation. She’s been through quite an ordeal.
Little Red Riding Hood may have come out on top at the end of the story, but she certainly had some mishaps along the way. It would probably be in everyone’s best interest if she stayed home from now on, either by her own accord or because she’s grounded for all her previous transgressions.
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